125,

i once lambasted someone as a control freak

as the days go by, i get increasingly paranoid, wondering if you will be able to perform during your OP. would you be able to sustain the momentum you have tirelessly gathered last week? would you be able to maintain your composure in front of other assessors? would you remember to be clear, audible and fluent? would you try to vary your tone? would you remember to flirt with the examiner and display varied hand gestures?

i wish i can be there to bark some last-minute instructions and pointers. to ask some "random" questions for Q n A. but my schedule during the day is darn packed and i am reluctant to give up my lunch break, the only time in which the department can sit and chill and mentally psych ourselves for the remaining groups. i will also need to be fair to my other OP assessor because we're making use of whatever time we have to fill in those gruelling assessment indicators

then again, maybe it's a good thing that i can't be around for this last-minute scrambling at all. because i'm not helping you grow by watching over like a hawk all the time. because i need to relinquish control and trust that you care enough to rehearse and make it fool-proof. because i need to harden myself and let you be accountable for your own results should you choose not to rehearse.

because i need to have faith that you'll give the OP your all and do me proud. just like i'm sure how you need to place faith in your GP/PW tutor that i'll do my best for you.

because i do have faith. and i believe you will rise to the occasion.