my mum's casual remark, "you like kids hor", to which i couldnt resist not adding a tongue-in-cheek commentary, "i am not a paedophile"

joon kiat's act of maturity by cautioning that i like to play with fire and if not tempered, i could get myself hurt when i don't play properly. but ah, he hasn't quite realised yet that i'm not afraid of getting myself hurt

the shame and humiliation i felt on thurs' oral comm lesson

fighting fires for GPP, especially so for one group in my form class since no one in the group took the lead and the gpp was left untouched! my gosh. what an idiot i was, declaring emphatically that i had absolute trust in my form class to do their work

realised the truth of "everything happens for a reason" because if it weren't for their lack of initiative, we wouldn't have realised what happened to qingxia. and i'm glad we managed to help her somewhat

something happened to my lao ma. it hurt when she blurted out how sacred she was when she visited the hospital. what the hell am i doing?

my refusal to let ghafar apologise on behalf of 103 last fri because if i treat them like younger brothers, why the need to say sorry between brothers

103's kind offer to give me a break by thinking of jio-ing me for spiderman

the deep sense of euphoria i felt when i counted the yjcambodia's money. we raised $2,100. i helped to make this happen! money can't buy this. really.

acted like a decisive form teacher by rising to the occasion and sending chen li to the hospital in the wee hours of sunday night. slept at 3am. rushed around like a mad man on mon morning so as to settle her discharge procedure and to arrive promptly for 103's lesson

134 performed credibly for their presentations. perhaps their improvements weren't significant but they were distinct

good talk-cock session with samuel, my ex GP rep. i realised that i treat him like an equal. good to find out that he is getting down to his books

lao ma said that i work too hard. i know she feels pained and helpless. but ma, i can't slack. i also want to slack but i can't. there are so many things that i need to do. so little time. i need to hold the fort as well as i can every single day. and i dragged myself to macdonalds because i wanted to mark my gpps, not because i felt obliged to. i mean, if i can slog so hard for my own honours thesis, why shouldn't i work as hard for my charges? but ma, i know how to take care of myself. trust your son

today, i feel stupid. what's the point of investing so much of myself and going beyond the call of duty? if i am trying my darnest to ignore my fatigue and lead by example, i don't see why my students can't take their own education seriously. it just felt like a huge slap across my face.

why bother? what's the point? where's the personal meaning i can derive from all this? am i just wasting my life away?

and a good nap, or several for that matter, can't resolve this

a Project Superstar season 2 contestant was so overwhelmed with emotion that she burst into tears and tried to say, "i know i didn't sing well enough. but i really invested my heart and soul into the song." and it felt so heartwrenching when i watched her trying to be brave and say aloud those words. because it agonises me when i know that my best isn't good enough when i'm giving of my best. i'm result-oriented too, you know

i'm a walking mockery. but i can't complain that i'm not living my life. hahahah