We all like to believe that we are hard-core. We grit our teeth under the ravages of life-silently, of course-because in the presence of others, we act stoic, casually nonchalant, even defiant in the face of adversity. Maybe our competitive streak compels us never to reveal our vulnerability. Maybe we feel obliged to showcase our resilience, determined to rise above life's speeding curveballs. Or maybe we are masochists, secretly liking the pain, for it proves that we are living.

And so, we keep on breathing, never wondering why we can't be soft-core.

~~~~


i wasn't very impressed with Grey's Anatomy at first. it just seemed like a glorified version of a soap opera, what with everyone sleeping with everyone. woah! so busy, their personal lives! i really can't fathom how people can just hop from one bed to another within the span of one season. gosh, is this really life in the West?

but it kinda grew on me. some lines i took to, for i thought they applied to my current state of mind.

"I went soft"
"Mistakes are painful but they are there to help us learn who we are"
"I need a reason to hold on to"

I also grew to like the voiceovers at the beginning and end of each episode. ya, i know that Sex And The City has these voiceovers as well but i like how these voiceovers make me feel that it's okay to meander clumsily through life, that it's okay to struggle and not know all the answers. it comforts me. i don't have to be this insufferable know-it-all i sometimes/mostly am in front of my students. haha.

sometimes, i feel quite resentful that i am teaching GP. in recent times, i think it boils down to how my kiddos won't take GP as seriously as other subjects because it's a H1 subject after all. i get quite riled up when they say how mock papers are a waste of time or how they never get around to studying because they're prioritising other subjects. i did study for GP during my time. i know i would have put in more effort if i were in their shoes now. and i am not saying this because i teach GP. i say this because i know i can be quite disciplined if i drop my laid-back ways.

i do realise that i can't expect them to be me. and as a fellow Singaporean, i get them. they're just being pragmatic after all. we are all just products of the Singaporean educational system and societal climate. they are not to be blamed. no one is. it's just the grind of everyday survival.

only, i don't know if this is something i will ever get used to.

so, why am i still constantly developing notes when i quite recognise that not many people would spare the effort to read and digest them?

the reason is quite elementary, my dear Watson. because i want to see myself as hard-core. hahaha. '.'