given my simple and fuss-free nature, it's quite amazing how my blog has steadily acquired frills. first the tagboard, then the web tunes and now, the photo slideshow! so exciting!

it's almost 3am now--i spent the last two hours creating the slideshow and am seriously going to die from fatigue tomorrow. nevertheless, i need to record this adrenalin rush when i stumbled upon rockyou.com.

a month ago, i would have been perfectly contented with this functional brown layout of my blog. never mind that ex-students bluntly lambast it as "ugly". haha. now, i'm quite motivated to pick up some blog-making skills so that my blog can look more personalised and impressive. yay!

and the potential the availability of these slideshows can bring! i must take more photos. period.

xin ni is this jovial and radiant gal. guess this photo says it all. she once replied, "YES, BABY?" jokingly to my question, nodding her head in emphasis. although this does not reflect well on my classroom management skills:P, it shows how ready she is to joke. she reminds me how one should live life with a laugh.

lest u dismiss her as ditsy or siao ding dong, she has this serious side to her as well. when asked what she would do if she and her best friend fell for the same guy, she said unhesitantingly that she would willingly step out of the equation because she places her jie mei's happiness before her own. i guess this gesture may be perceived as stupid by some but seriously, i don't think anyone can fault her loyalty and magnanimousness too harshly. 14 is apparently not too young an age for her to make up her mind about when it's best to let go. she reminds me about selflessness.

on hindsight, it wasn't a good idea to visit the crappies. goes to show that some of my impulsive decisions aren't all that appropriate

"Ohhhhhhh, Mr Heng, u dye hair" they waved their fingers disapprovingly, as if i had been caught for doing something naughty. haha.

i just hope the crappies don't think that returning to school with subtly dyed hairstyles after the holidays is acceptable because they regard me as an example.

it seems unfair that female teachers can highlight their hair and get away with it with hardly a squeak while male teachers create such a (embarrassing) hoo-ha when they do likewise. Humpf. haha.

Key take-away from Chin Kuan's house, 23/5/06

cute baby!

i love his idea of framing his photographs on the walls.

so poser! i like!:P

my abstract photo for the day

大家要幸福 wor!

shimin was telling me the other day how important it is to tell students the real life applications of mathematical concepts so that they would take them to heart and not chuck aside in some dormant part of their minds.

good reminder.

so, i'm going to link mass media with singapore elections, X-Men and World Cup by hook or by crook come July.

nothing like a goal to work towards. grins.

***********
my moodiness about teaching GP has hit me harder than i expected.

maybe i numbed myself too effectively when i got my posting and the anesthesia is wearing off.

recording this unprecedented state of sian-ness so that hopefully someday i will be able to look back on this post and laugh

if i may say so myself, i think this is one flattering character portrait i took of zhaofa. the way he's positioned, implying to the viewer that he's in charge. the way the drum set is strategically placed behind him. the way his shadow is artistically mapped out on the wall. cool, right? hey, i can't be accused of being narcissistic since this isn't a photo of me. heh

zf is one of the rare breed who knows exactly what he wants and channels his energies towards his goals. he works hard at fostering class unity, even going as far as to be willing to pay for the bbq pit the crappies is using in june. he almost single-handedly designed the class blog, despite the fact that everyone else was stressed over exams and the blog was the least of their concerns. on the other hand, he seemed to take a perverse pride in the fact that he couldn't be bothered to study for most of his subjects.

i can't say i approve of his nonchalant attitude towards studies but i dig the way he's living his life unapologetically.

his peers will comment that he's a racist, something which he has admitted himself. guess this is where my immaturity as a teacher comes in. i'm not ready to ask him why he's a racist and persuade him to change for the better. what if i can't find the words to convince him thoroughly? die. lose face.

so i remember the incident in which he painstakingly helped an indian classmate to finish her d&t project although he must have been hard pressed for time himself. maybe this is my way of glossing over my inadequacies as a teacher. haha

after a grand 10 weeks in CBSS, this is the only abstract photo that i took.

how has all this time flown?

i pledge to take more meaningless abstract photos in YJ to remember the days by

in remembrance of the time when i chickened out and didn't dye my hair maroon/dark red, out of deference to professionalism. haha

some day....

one thing my teachers taught me wrongly was that people who smoke are rotten and incorrigible and that u will go astray if u mix around with them

it's only when i went for NS that i realised that i have been indoctrinated nonsense. whether someone smokes has no bearing on his character and shame on me if i judge people on surface appearances

honestly speaking, i don't think i will even be the kind of teacher who tirelessly cuts newspaper articles about the harms of smoking so as to persuade students to quit the habit. teenagers may be impressionable but i think they are well aware of the consequences of their actions. so, i don't believe in preaching and harping on something tired to them.

nevertheless, i felt pretty down when i found out that this 15 year old gal has picked up smoking. wat pianz. such a sweet and good-natured gal leh. i lamented. (not that those who smoke are condemned not to be sweet and good-natured lar.)

it's the way she highlighted cigarettes in her blog that got to me. she has already gotten into trouble with school authorities over this newly-acquired habit. so i guess it's her way of telling the world, her parents, her teachers and whoever f***ing idiots to go s**** themselves

i feel upset because it seems that she has given up on herself and on life. she has so much fury and frustration and can't channel it elsewhere. does smoking help to numb her pain? does she just see this as a temporary reprieve? is she strong enough to cope with the addiction that will haunt her later on? in this instance, i see smoking as a sign of how she opened the Pandora's box of deliquency.

and ultimately, this is what sucks most about not returning to CBSS: unfinished business. of course, i don't flatter myself that my students' problems will miraculously be solved just becos i'm around. but at least, i would be there to try to make things better.

i learnt today that quite a number of the crappies failed their Paper 2 (comprehension)

sigh. what a crap teacher i am.

worse still, i won't have the chance to make amends.

i must think of interesting ways to combine the imparting of content knowledge and comprehension skills for YJ students.

and i dare not imagine the outcome of the chem results.

At the tender age of 14, melvin and chia hao have already known each other for 10 years. their friendship is still going strong, which makes me amused at how they aren't sick and tired of each other's company yet. isn't this kinda touching and awe-inspiring? most marriages don't even last that long. haha.

i don't know them very long but they seem quite different from each other. chia hao (the guy with the eyes darting towards the biscuit) is notoriously regarded as the "lamer" among the crappies since he is erm, so lame. on the other hand, melvin is sharp and perspective. he was probably one of the first crappies who saw right through my facade and saw me for the inexperienced greenhorn that i was. haha

it took me a long time to come to understand why chia hao is described as lame. i vividly remember this MSN chat in which he wrote 九牛一毛, which i thought was very impressive for a 14 year old. i am not too proud to confess that i have never used this proverb in my speech before. haha.
(that is, of course, before another incident in which he used 蒸蒸日上 to describe how his Chinese improved tremendously. wah piangz).

besides knowing how to use cheem phrases, chia hao is inquisitive about the world around him and ponders to seek his own answers. it's a pity that the rest of the crappies don't see this side of him because i think it's darn cool that he has this hunger for truth, this zest for life. he makes me feel embarrassed for the couch potato in me--i am not critical enough about my surroundings, i don't ask questions, i am just contented to watch my VCDs and engross myself in the fake realities of these frivolous characters. sighz.

during a sungei buloh excursion, melvin took the initiative to chat with a classmate upon noticing how the latter sat alone, away from the crappies. it may be an isolated incident but i feel it spoke volumes about his sensitivity and concern for the people around him. he didn't leave things to chance. he tried to make things better. this is quite refreshingly different from the NATO (No Action Talk Only) trait we often encounter in Singaporeans.

may their friendship age like fine wine.

If you can't beat them, join them?

Prior to teaching, i always thought i would be this liberated and enlightened 'cher who would not give my students grief over studying and grades

unfortunately, this "hip" assumption was soon dashed when i flatly refused zf's offer to go out with the crappies two days before their mid-yr exams.

zf: WTF
zf: why not?
me: becos i think u shd study

later....

me: what kind of crap teacher goes out with his students 2 days before their exams?
zf: but u're no longer our teacher liaoz. u said so urself in the class blog
me: true, but i used to b ur teacher
zf: USED to be

i guess what i wanted to say but couldn't express in time (because i was reeling in shock over the fact that the crappies can take their exams so lightly. haha) is:

1. i don't care what grades my students obtain for their exams. one may argue that since he would just be rotting the whole day and studying half-heartedly if he stays at home, surely time is better spent taking a breather and playing outside. i don't fault this logic but well, i hope that my students will give of their best when it comes to preparing for their exams.

2. while i may remove ex-students from the obligation of calling me Mr Heng (v weird leh), for better or for worse, i can't remove myself from the obligation of being their ex-teacher. and teachers are supposed to encourage students to study, yah

reconciling with my unglamourous naggy image.....haha

the posting results caught a lot of people by surprise. while i was quite mentally prepared to go to a JC, i couldn't help wishing for an alternative result. which baffles a lot of people since they feel that i would find life easier in a JC because no discipline problems yadda yadda

well, by teaching in a JC, i won't be able to:

1. sit down with the crappies (my 2E3 class), think seriously about what they want to do with their lives and agonise together over their subject choices for upper sec. substitute subject choices with post-secondary courses and the same goes for my Sec Threes.

2. enjoy the thrill of being their english teacher this year and their chemistry teacher next year

3. see the guys wear long pants!

4. make the Sec Threes fall in love with chemistry, goddarn it. it's seriously not my fault that they find chemistry boring as i am scheduled to teach dry and abstract topics like chemical equations and mole concept. haha. (i must clarify that the fun comes later when one gets familiarised and pick up the ropes)

5. simply watching teenagers grow over a period of 3-4 years

perhaps i am prejudiced due to my experiences but i don't think a JC teacher is likely to gell as well with his kids as a sec sch teacher.

but no matter, i shall just do my best. i won't let the next generation of YJ students fail GP under my charge. grins

When i was just starting out at CBSS, there was this occasion in which i was eating at Macs when a group of students from 1Respect, 2Respect and 3Respect came in to idle for a while.

instead of resting their butts and talking to the same old people all the time, they changed their seats every few mins so that they might interact with different people.

well, i was quite impressed with the ease and spontaneousness in which they transcended beyond petty class boundaries. i guess that's one of the advantages of being in a small school. true, there may only be 29 other people in ur class n u may tear ur hair because ur preferred CCA is not offered by the school but u are immersed in this strong sense of warmth and camaraderie. i think it helps one from feeling lost and unacknowledged.

i'm posted to yishun junior college. would i be able to feel this kampong spirit again? :(

One of the things i enjoy about being a teacher is that there are so many students i can take photos of! Note the preposition--it's of, not with. i don't need to recapture my long-lost youth by striking Peace poses beside hormonally-charged teens. haha.

weisong aka xiaosong (the one in the photo lar) is a lively (read: talkative) student who participates actively in class (read: disruptive). for one reason or other, he reminds me of my army days. maybe it's the way he disregards me as a teacher and talks to me in an easy-flowing, qin chye manner. he "flirts" with me and says things like missing u, how abt going to my hse with a straight face. erm i kinda reciprocate by entertaining his silly comments and developing conversations that go nowhere. haha

there was once when i was so frustrated with the rowdy class that i think i blurted in a da glam manner, "so, what else do u wanna me to do?"

xiaosong answered, "'cher, u havent found the key that unlocks our hearts yet."

i was bowled over by such an insightful and astute comment. i even deviated from the lesson proper by saying that "yes, i understand but i'm only here for ten weeks and have to rush through the syllabus. i don't have the luxury". you know, Man to Man talk. haha

i learnt not to underestimate my kids--they may not care about chemistry but they sure do know a thing or two about life. and that's the best reminder a student can give his teacher. so, TY xiaosong:P

After 25 yrs of existance, i thought i have turned more or less hard-core and not be stirred by little things such as a card.

well, i got my first sensei card from 2E3 and can't resist looking at their comments over and over again (and grinning like an idiot in the process)

in an era when sec two teens (yes, sec two! poor kids!) sleep at 12 am to finish their never-ending projects, time is the greatest gift u can give someone

so, thks Dahhnie for taking the time out to design this card, especially when it's so close to the exams

which is why i felt very bad when she said she hesitated about giving me the card becos it's nothing compared to the Givenchy branded cologne another gal in the class gave me

of course, i am as fond of money and branded stuff as the next Singaporean. but you can't place a price tag on certain things. friends. family. dreams. n the sincere wishes of the crappies

i just wanna say:

1) sometimes, the simplest things say the most

2) isn't it kinda weird that my kids write things like "all the best for ur future n career" and stuff? come on, i'm a decade older than them. haha

The Last Lesson with 2E3

I hesitated if i should go out with a bang by doing something interesting for once as i felt that i should focus on revision for their mid-yr.
well, after a most disastrous 2nd last lesson, in which everyone was practically dying of boredom with uninspiring comprehension question types, i decided to throw caution to the wind and carry on with the "something interesting"

so, i "pia" a cab down to Shynn's house in Jurong to borrow October Sky from her. a seriously crazy move, since i am investing time and money on something that won't really bring about any learning points. but then again, i like to do crazy and sponanteous things, so it felt strangely quite all right.

the movie went on great and i think the crappies enjoyed the snippets

ahem, kinda wanted to deliver a deeply moving speech so that the crappies might remember that "once upon a time, got this engrish 'cher show them this movie n encourage us to follow our dreams"

guess my plans were foiled when kasturi gave a gasp, making me feel that i didn't wanna make things too melodramatic. anyway, the message of "following ur dreams" is so cliched--who knows whether the crappies would have rolled their eyes if i had carried on

xin ni later said that if she were me, she would have continued saying whatever was in her mind because she would regret if she failed to do so

hmm, perhaps. then again, i hope my act of printing the class photo for everyone managed to convey all the unsaid things resonating inside me

i hope u will grow up to do something that u are passionate about n that living never becomes a chore. all the best