Fast forward 3 years from the time I wrote Part 1 of this note. I'm really glad to have exhibited the courage to leave MOE and embark on a new adventure at SP. I'm also quite proud of the fact that I would have attained my translation diploma at the end of this year.

I have actually taught for 3 weeks in Laos, so I guess I could strike goal 2 (teaching in a foreign land) off the list but I think this is the part where my natural stubborness kicks in.

I'm atypical from the average Singaporean in the sense that I have always known what I want to achieve. In fact, I have very fixated notions of how to attain those dreams. With regard to certain things, I need to attain certain dreams in a specific form or else I would not feel fulfilled.

For instance, I used to think that I have sold out because I never studied Mass Communications despite having settled on it as my heart's desire since Sec 3. I chickened out when I went to AJC instead of trying out for the writing test at Ngee Ann Poly. I gave up studying Mass Communications at NTU because I felt compelled to take up the teaching scholarship.

I have no qualms about teaching and certainly don't think that my past 3 years in YJC were a waste of youth. I don't begrudge the 3 years of university chemistry like I used to either, for I love O level chemistry to bits. It may sound like I am refusing to leave a part of my adolescence behind but I am always happy to teach O level chemistry tuition.

It's just that I feel like I have settled for something less, that I never went all out to pursue what I really really want. I have been wondering about this for quite a bit this year since I went for interviews both at SP and Singapore Press Holdings.

The opportunity of being able at SPH is like having a spiritual orgasm. I'm not kidding; it means that much to me. Yet, a part of me feels glad that the interview with SPH didn't work out, for I feel quite honoured to work in SP. Witnessing the high levels of dedication everyone brings to their jobs is very humbling; it makes me wonder how the hell I managed to pass the interview. It makes me motivated to give it my all, not because my male ego needs stroking, not because I am ambitious about climbing the corporate ladder but because I want to do justice to the trust and faith these SP people placed in me when they hired me. And I'm really glad that my motivation for working hard boils down to such a simple and humanistic desire to make others feel justified in their hiring decision.

Come two years later, I won't regret the time at SP but I would certainly wonder about my chances in the mass media industry. Is 31 too late to start all over again?

When do you let dreams go?
Am I just too stubborn to die-die want to work as a journalist/PR executive?
Why is studying Mass Communications so important to me anyway?

Should I take up a Masters in Mass Communications or not? In all likelihood, getting this Masters won't do much to advance my career; I just want to fulfill an adolescent dream. I don't like it when fellow Singaporeans pragmatically question me what I intend to do with this Masters.But I feel them. Time is such a scarce commodity in Singapore and I don't want to slog two or three years on a Masters that won't bring much impact to my future.

So you see, this is why I feel it difficult to answer when people assume that I'm happier at SP. I am definitely not unhappy. In fact, I wasn't unhappy at YJ. But I don't know if what I'm going through now can be classified as "living life to the fullest".

How do I know if I'm happy happy? And indeed, will I ever know?

That's also the thing with my goal 2. Essentially, it's teach in Japan under JET or naught. Even teaching in Thailand, a nation that has a soft spot in my heart, is a distinct second. Am I just too stubborn to hanker after this dream in this specific form? Why won't teaching in UAE or China be enough? Why Japan specifically? But there it is. The mind can rationalise all it wants but it can't alter the way the heart feels.

I love to be spontaneous so it's ironic that I have actually formulated my 3-year plan:

1. Finish my 2 years at SP. I won't quit for another job.
2. Learn Japanese now. Apply for JET next year.
3. Teach in Japan in 2011.
4. Come back from Japan to find a job in the mass media industry/do my Masters

I hate planning yet my subconscious has nudged me and laid my plans for me. I am not sure if this is pathetic.

And yup, it's no wonder that marriage is not on the cards. seriously. haha.

p/s: Happy 29th Birthday to me:)

I'm really awestruck by the high levels of professionalism exhibited by my SP colleagues.

Like two fridays before when Gill easily held the audience's attention during his lecture. People were actually triggered to answer his teaser questions even though it was after 6pm! His explanation was perfectly in sync with his slides and everything was so well-timed--his sarcasm, his humour, his attempt to relate complicated issues to the Singapore context.

I felt like such an impostor. You mean people like me can get by teaching GP in such a lackluster manner for 3 years?! Omg. How did I even secure the job at SP in the first place?

Like the lesson observation last week. Susan, my Reporting Officer--my direct boss--actually took the time out to type out her suggestions on how I could incorporate student-centred activities to enliven my lesson. It was like woah! I am touched that she would go to such an extent to share her experiences. This is especially so when I am starting to feel the intensity of the workload; she must be 10 times busier.

Like yesterday when Helen gave us a laminated certificate for successfully completing Poly 50. I mean, I thought I was rather thoughtful for emailing all the group photo we took before the race but she actually went to all this trouble. Again, there's nothing in it for her work-wise.

Or like yesterday when I met up with personnel at Centre for Experience Design to understand more about design thinking and this director took time out to spend time understanding about what my department hoped to achieve. Isn't the obvious thing to do is leave me with his subordinate? And after our meeting, he actually crafted a detailed email to my director--principal of the school--expounding on the discussion outcomes and expressing eagerness to collaborate together. highly efficient!

I feel lucky to learn from all these positive role models. :)