xiaosong has once taught me a great lesson.

see http://sanukseeker.blogspot.com/2006/05/one-of-things-i-enjoy-about-being.html

now that i have rewatched I Not Stupid, i wonder if xiaosong actually memorised that particular quote from the movie.

if so, how does he feel towards the quote? misunderstood? maligned? abandoned?

but it's true lar. finding the key that unlocks students' hearts is difficult. i guess a lot of teachers turn cynical because despite their repeated reprimands, the students don't make an effort to improve. and they don't see a way out of this catch-22 situation.

ironically, the days of trying to gain student respect in YJC has made me miss teaching in a secondary school tremendously. because it reminded me of my intention to come into teaching to make a tangible difference.

i think i have almost lost myself trying to cope with the massive amounts of admin work

i learnt last year that a teacher worth his salt knows how to scold people. recently, i learnt that a great teacher knows exactly the key that unlocks people's hearts

and he does it without scolding

Pivotal moment

to come out in the open and admit that i can't guarantee 100% passes for GP was something very hard to do. and i finally thoroughly realised why i rather teach chemistry. as a guy, i just found it very sissy lar. to talk about guilt and stuff like that. haha

but i think today's lesson was the best lesson i have had the privilege to conduct so far

i have never felt so certain that i have done my part totally and that the rest is up to my kiddos. as a beginning teacher, you always feel a deep sense of loss as you question yourself whether you have done the right thing.

i know i will not be stressed about PW this year because i can live with a few Bands 3s and 4s. and to hell with performance bonus. i don't need money to validate my self-worth

i feel good that i am trying to teach something beyond the textbook, something that i fiercely believe in. i realise that despite all the things i may dislike about AJ, i am still rather proud to call myself an ex-AJCian. because AJC's motto was Non Mini Solum (Not for myself alone), which has actually guided me faithfully through all these years.

and in my classroom, they will learn how to take care of one another. because only then will they have a chance to attain happiness

i know that i will never raise my voice in class again. because i will trust them to do their work. and if they don't do their work, it is not my responsibility to chase after them

it is awesomely comforting to declare that i want to do the right thing and actually mean it.

i am learning how to mould boys and girls into men and women. (of course, i acknowledge that i have lots of room for improvement)

change (or what i have learnt about myself today)

i realise i have changed quite a bit due to the nature of my job

i have seldom felt the need to ventilate my frustrations but desperately felt the need to do so today

i always thought that i am immune to stress but i was overwhelmed with emotion. i still feel rather embarrassed by my display of vulnerability

it's surprising to find that i care too much, given my reputation as a bo-chup guy

it's quite weird that some people may consider me as opinionated

i would argue guys are biologically less inclined to be English teachers because of their reluctance to communicate? i feel that i display a biopolar personality now. haha

but i guess my inclination towards spontaneity remains unchanged. again, i chucked my lesson plan aside in the name of "waste time to save time" to share about myself. my goodness. i can actually talk cock for an hour straight. is this a sign of age? haha

today, someone told lao ma, "i wanna help you but i don't know how to help you". she said that he appeared rather flustered.

hmmm, seems familiar huh.

i don't know what comes after today but at least i would be able to sleep well tonight. i have been suffering from sleep loss for this past week. haha

Today, I conducted my lesson at the grandstand.

realising a small wish to bring my students outside the classroom

actually, rationally speaking, conducting lessons at the grandstand isn't as effective as having lessons in the classroom because you waste so much time trying to get those rascals to settle down and listen to you. also, instruction delivery isn't as smooth because the very fact that they are enjoying the cool breeze and nicer scenery means that they won't be paying 100% attention

but i felt good. because i feel sometimes you have to waste time in order to save time. it's a lesson about innovation after all. and one should do something novel in order to bring the message across.

and ten years from now, while they might have forgotten about what they actually learnt in my class, i hope they would remember that once upon a time, mr heng threw caution to the wind and did something fun.

getting the retainees to brainstorm on ideas for a GP question was also spontaneous and fruitful.

it's the first day of the JAE intake
and people are jostling at the general office,
clamouring for attention
so that they can
go appeal at another jc

poor mimi

i heard my colleague
persuade her student
not to appeal for tpjc
because YJ is a top 10 college,

which is something
i cannot never say with conviction
because i don't like to preach
even though i have accepted
preaching as part of the profession
why can't we let people
decide "what's best for themselves"?

i asked one of my OGLs
"now that your friends are
frantically trying to
appeal out of YJC,
do you regret your decision?"
and he gave an empathetic No!

which expressed my sentiments exactly

because despite the misgivings
i hold towards YJC,
i am glad to be here
the people here rock;
it's almost unnerving

and i realise that
i quite like YJ
not because it's the underdog
not because i need to demonstrate loyalty
not because i wanna safeguard my ego

but just because.....

and it feels oddly comforting

so, we didn't plan properly and took a long time before we could re-assemble for a short while as everyone had to split up to find their own dinner

so, we didn't get to sit down and have one of those intimate chats in which we reminisced about our times together and mused aloud about our future

so, way too much time was spent on cam-whoring

so, some kiddos got distracted by this MacDonalds game (seriously? huh?)

of course, none of these mattered

i'm glad P30 ended their PAE on a note of finality before they went their separate ways

i hope they remember that yesterday's outing was a darn cool way of living one's life: to act silly, to laugh often and to be in the company of dear friends

Our GP passing rate is 73%.

i looked at how dazed one colleague appeared to be and didn't know what to say. For is that really anything that can be said at all at this point in time?

i was just sitting in the hall and waiting for the cohort to receive their results and couldn't help being amused at how those few letters on a flimsy piece of paper overshadows everything one may have done in 2-3 years despite the nation's strategic move towards holistic education.

these days, i can't help thinking that maybe i wasn't being very mature when i signed up to be a teacher. while i did believe that i had the necessary interpersonal skills to reach out to sam seng kia and ah lians, i think i never quite thought through the prospect of preparing students for examinations and having my self-worth assessed in the process.

if my students fail, does this mean that i am no good?

to invest so much of yourself and not have your students reap results is heartwrenching. and with E8 being a grade that isn't unusual, perhaps the choice of polytechnic isn't so ludicrous after all.

did i build a sufficiently strong foundation for the PAE kiddos? hmm...

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