met up with Mingli this thursday because I thought I would pass her my high-calibre reports. found out that she needed help with her GPPs. well, was glad to provide some assistance. all the training and grief I underwent for PW weren't for nothing. haha

she blurted out, "I love my kids".

she revealed that she had been feeling rather stressed over her GPPs these past few days but maintained such a facade of cheeriness in front of her kids that they were prompted to ask why she appeared so cheerful.

bravo, Ms Tan.

i feel rather angry.

irritated at the fact that i had to attend this primary school classmate's wedding because i needed the time to edit more SGCs even though i felt guilty about how it was unbecoming of me as she really appreciated my presence

irritated with the fact that i had to be so disciplined. i just wanna slack and watch my dvds. i don't mind hard work, i really don't but i don't want to work so hard for an extended period of time. which adds on to my anger because i feel bad that i need some breathing space for myself as my kids are failing GP and i am not doing enough to help them pass yet i don't have time to prepare notes for them or anything

I guess what comforts me is that I don't regret teaching. I can take the crap and darn it, appear chirpy too, like Ms Tan. Haha.

i watched this today

i was once a poet:

http://www.qlrs.com/poem.asp?id=379

but after that beginner's luck, i never really wrote again. couple of reasons: i was actually intimidated by my success, teaching drained me of the energy to fuss over line breaks and punctuation, i don't know how to write profound like a poet.

i don't know what came over me today, especially since i have to set the mid year paper, mark 20+ essays and edit SGCs but i suddenly felt emo enough to pen this:

typed smses from home

after watching a concert
which couldn't
get us up on our feet,
you revealed,
"i don't get excited anymore"

I could have caught on,
but I didn't,

for the topics
which fell on our orbit
of discussion that night
felt normal

your facade fell apart
as I read of
your quiet desperation
on your blog

we traded
fast and furious smses then,
which i might have
done more harm than good
with my earnestness
to pump in
hope

the next meet-up,
we stuck to
the tried-and-tested orbit
and shared ice-cream,

celebrating the pseudo-normalcy
of our lives.

***
i don't know when my muse will bug me again. haha

today's date: 1st May
date of GP examination: 3rd Nov

I got exactly 6 months to make a difference.